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Post by miki on May 25, 2006 22:07:23 GMT 8
which one?
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Post by chelsjellobeanie on May 26, 2006 19:27:05 GMT 8
hahahaha..the donating blood one...
yupyup...
ahahahaha..thanx ming yi!
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Post by miki on May 26, 2006 21:16:51 GMT 8
tt one is a pervertic one...
cos the lady heard tt donating sperm can get more money rite... so she went to donate sperm the 2nd time there lor...
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Post by l0takol on May 26, 2006 22:51:08 GMT 8
In a city park stood two statues, one female, and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life.
The two statues smiled at each other, ran towards some nearby woods, and dived behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues,"You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure, - But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head!"
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x..NeiR..x
Full Member
^^ That's Me!!! ^^
Posts: 134
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Post by x..NeiR..x on May 26, 2006 22:58:26 GMT 8
Omg wat the hell...
Benny!!! Where the hell do u get all these damn jokes from?!??!
*notes the other side of benson*
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Post by l0takol on May 26, 2006 23:08:07 GMT 8
What other side of me?
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Post by miki on May 26, 2006 23:50:34 GMT 8
Are you ready for children?
Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests...
** MESS TEST:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
** TOY TEST:
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
** GROCERY STORE TEST:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
** DRESSING TEST:
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
** FEEDING TEST:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
** NIGHT TEST:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
** PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.
** PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
** FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
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Post by l0takol on May 26, 2006 23:53:38 GMT 8
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is sure that he has a better education.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ..."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
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Post by miki on May 26, 2006 23:54:20 GMT 8
An early Christmas song...
You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.
So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
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Post by l0takol on May 26, 2006 23:59:58 GMT 8
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
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Post by miki on May 27, 2006 20:13:14 GMT 8
Once upon a time there was a magic mirror that could tell when you were lying.
If you were, ZAP! It would suck you in and you were gone forever.
One day, an old lady, a brunette, and a blonde happened by the mirror. The old
lady looked in it and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she was gone.
The brunette looked in and said, "I think I'm the most
Beautiful woman in the world." ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she, too,
disappeared.
The blonde looked in and said, "I think. . ."
ZAP!
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Post by l0takol on May 27, 2006 23:30:24 GMT 8
wah... so bad lor... this joke.. damn sad... but i like it!! XD
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Post by miki on May 28, 2006 0:36:12 GMT 8
lol... hahaha... here's another one about blonde...
A blonde woman walks into a chemist and asks the
Assistant for some bottom deodorant. The assistant, a little bemused, explains
to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has been
buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more.
The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don't
stock, or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the thick blonde Pollock
and says, "One moment please, I will get the chemist."
The chemist looks at the blonde and says, "Can I help you miss?"
"I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the Blonde.
"I'm sorry," says the chemist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" Said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the
Chemist who looks at it and says to the her, "This is just a normal stick of
under arm deodorant".
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out Loud from the
container, "To apply, push up bottom."
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Post by longmao32 on May 29, 2006 16:56:15 GMT 8
GIVE UP!!! MINGYI GIVE UP!!! -_-'''... fine... I gave up... so wat's the ans? sry so long nv reply...it's becuz he wan it center parting...  |
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Post by longmao32 on May 29, 2006 16:58:41 GMT 8
MY turn... Mayb heard b4 liao but it's worth another listen... Gt this guy tt love his wife alot... u nid to tink more... his wif is pregnant for almost 9 mths liao, gonna give birth liao... As he loves his wife, he do not wan him to be painful during birth one day, her wife give birth he was inside Being experienced doctor shld noes how to lessen the pain of the mother he told him i will set a spell n the pain will b travel to the father... after the baby was born, the mother was happy tt there's no pain, the guy was doubtin on y he n his wife didnt experience pain BECOZ the postman died on their doorstep.... LOLOLOLOLOLOL ermmm... I dun understand this...  |
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